It’s that time of year again.

“Time of year” is continuous and cyclical. Its grief squeezing the breath out of me. It’s mostly hidden, but ever present.
The holidays are over and time slows a bit. I feel like I’m drowning in thoughts, memories, all painful and wishful. I worry over things I can’t control. Hello grief. Hello anxiety. Thanks for waking my winter night’s dreams.
We get through an event or significant time, we exhale for maybe a week or two and then BAM! It starts all over again.
This time of year hits me harder than any other. So many things changed during this time. Even after 4 years, I can close my eyes and vividly remember with stabbing pain in my chest those moments I can barely believe we got through.