Mother’s Day 2016
Most days, my grief is apart of me. I carry it with me deep inside and may not always react to it. Then, there are days like Mother’s Day, where I can’t control those emotions. My mind will take a dip into that pool of grief.
I think about the handprint projects that will never be, the pictures of Shane as he grows older and most of all, the hugs I will never receive. What pulls me out of that dip are my two older children, Chase and Ella.
I am so incredibly thankful to be their mom. They have been through so much in their lifetime and I am proud to see that they have continued on with smiles, laughter and most of all their memories of Shane. They speak of him daily, talk about seeing signs from him and our favorite is when we talk about “what would Shane say about that?”
As a mother, I’ve had to teach my children how to cope with their own grief of losing their brother. This is not something I ever thought I would have to do. Loss is difficult to grasp and for me growing up, it was something we didn’t talk about.
To me, the most important thing I can teach them about this experience is that while their loss is tragic, they need to continue on in their lives and be happy. Paul and I have explained to them, that bad things happen to good people, but it doesn’t have to define you. They can not be bitter, but thankful for all the time they had with Shane. The time we had with him was a blessing.
When they (or us) are going through a difficult period, we always remind them (and ourselves) that Shane went through so much in his short life and he did so with a smile. He spread positivity and happiness to everyone around him. We have to do the same. It’s what Shane would have wanted. 
I also lost a young child when he was two, and had other young children. Each year for the last 18 since he died we have celebrated his birthday at the cemetery, with a cake, and bring rocks to leave on the headstone. This has given my children a real connection, and even now as teenagers when we travel they are always looking for the perfect rock to bring home their memories and leave for him on his birthday. 2 of my children were born after he died. I just wanted to share this unusual tradition with you in the event that you think it might work for your family.
I’m sorry for your loss and think it’s a beautiful relationship you have created between the siblings, even if your two never met the son you lost. Thank you for sharing your tradition.