Day 9: Grief

I try to ignore it. Brush it aside like my behavior and mood is because it’s back to school or because we were traveling or I’m trying to find our groove.
Sounds good, right?
But, I can’t deny it. My husband knows me better than anyone, well except for my mom.
People assume that having Will has healed our broken hearts. I’ve even had to defend myself from numerous comments within the childhood cancer community because we’ve had another child, while others have just isolated us.
Of course, our hearts are fuller and we get another chance to experience the “firsts” and the “lasts” of having another baby.
But, we are also reliving those moments we had with Shane. Not always, but certain moments, looks, actions and of course milestones.
Will’s 1st Birthday is in two weeks.
My grief has crept up slowly, but now we know what the trigger is.
Childhood cancer does that. It causes PTSD and other anxieties in parents who have lived the journey. We’ve watched, comforted and cried through life’s toughest and most beautiful moments.

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